so its been a while since ive written one 2 months...

so im now about to ramble on and get everything out!

so latly ive just finnished receiving counciling over a suicide attempt, the most recent one early september others way deep in the past.

life has been in states of up n down, troubles with my old man, girl troubles and so on.

realising the old man is the cause of most of my problems is a hard one. hes hardly everhome and when he is he can be alright, and then he can be the bastard.

Girl wise. it a hard life!

I still like this girl, and at her party, i told one of her friends i didnt love the girl any more, but i realise its wrong, im still madly in love!, she doesnt know i still feel this way, and i cant tell her i do, because it'll only push her further away, and i dont want that, it also boils down to religion, and thats a hard one, i belive theres a higher force, but i dont think its god, i just know theres something there. ( you may think im fucked up for saying that) anyway, theres nothign i can do about my feelings for her, because she doesnt want to be with me, so i cant say ohwell theres another girl arround the corner, because i kow there isnt another girl round the corner, im not exactly a desirable guy. i dont have looks, and i certainly dont have a good personality, i find myself at times 2 people, which is hard when trying to have a relationship, even though i know im a better person when im with some one, my last relationship proved that (2 yrs ago now atleast). but its hard to find someone that can understand that, and who loves you for you.rejection is also standing on the back plate of any attempt at a relationship, you say something to the girl and blam rejection is by yourside waiting for it to hit home.. try to take one step forward and you end up taking 2 back!


i'll stop here, i think if i carry on i'll push you all away as well. thank you for reading if you made it this far.